


Fever Dream

by strangerinmoscow



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Drug Use, Explicit Sexual Content, Humor, Infidelity, M/M, Sexual Tension, Take Me Home Tour, bc obviously i take some creative liberty, i suck at tags always, like kinda, wow that's such a good tag "angst fluff smut" really does fit my style well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:48:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23095114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangerinmoscow/pseuds/strangerinmoscow
Summary: If love was enough, he would have never left.The falling in love and falling apart only becomes more complicated when you're on display for the world. The only helpful part of it all is that the boys went on the path to super stardom together. Step by step, in sync, until they weren't.
Relationships: Zayn Malik/Harry Styles
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35





	1. prologue.

**Author's Note:**

> A couple of notes:
> 
> I am a huge fan of Harry and Zayn's solo music, not so much the 1D music although my closest friends were. I was and still am very intrigued by their dynamics as a group so I've seen more interviews then I can even count. Not to mention Zarry conspiracy videos as of late. I may not be able to sing their deep cuts word for word, but I was like many staying up all night reading Larry and Ziam fics for funsies. Zarry is my favorite though, so here we are. I also have a bad habit of wanting too perfect with my fics that are set in real-time and I'm trying to break that habit, so I can update more quickly, so please bear with me. I have to remember it's just fiction. I have to write one like this before I can go AU it's just science.
> 
> Also, I'm just a lil southern country gal. And I don't have anyone reading over this, but me. The narration won't sound British bc it's me. But if I get any of the actual dialogue wrong please kindly let me know. Like if I accidentally have one of the boys say "fry" instead of "chip" or something. I also ramble so...let me stop.
> 
> I'm gonna import my other works here that are on wattpad. They're in different fandoms, but I just wanted to note that I like smut and angst. A good chunk of this story will be sweaty, teary eyed and just overall moist.
> 
> But funny story first. I started thinking of this story months ago and titles. It was going to be "thin line", but Harold just went and stole my thunder so...anyway...
> 
> It will start off very mild, but it gets darker. Or at least that's where my mind is at now...ENJOY.
> 
> you can find me on twitter at twitter.com/strangerinmx

He’d had enough. And finally, he exploded.

“I tried! I fucking tried! All this time and effort I put into your...bullshit and this is how you choose to repay me?”

The other young man across from him was a bit taken aback, but his anger overtook his shock.

“Repay you? You think I owe you something? Should I write you a fucking check for your troubles? I didn’t ask you or anybody else for shit!” He spat back, trying to fight back the tears that had been trying to escape his crowded mind the entire night. 

They, the tears, were just the tip of the iceberg of his emotions trying to put on a show.

“Oh, here you go again with the loner shit. If you leave this time I’m not chasing you! Go on like a bloody coward.”

“Coward am I? No, I’m doing what’s best for me and you can’t handle that it’s a decision I’m making without your blessing.”

“Go then, what are you waiting for? You can die alone for all I care.”

“You don’t even mean that,” the second boy said a bit more quietly. His voice wouldn’t allow more volume without breaking into a million pieces from the pain it was taking to process a simple rebuttal.

“For fuck’s sake...of course I don’t! I LOVED YOU!”  
The first boy screamed, his voice cracking on the last word. You. 

That did it for the second. The tears streamed down his face and no amount of furiously wiping his face would change the feeling of his heart breaking in two. 

Not because of the deceleration of love. But because it was past tense.


	2. gravity.

_**"it's wanting more that's gonna send me to my knees." gravity x john mayer** _

Zayn Malik has always been the type of person that has to get to know a person before truly liking them. Before truly enjoying their presence in his life. He had to figure them out before letting them into his personal space. Some people find it intimidating, but that’s just how Zayn survives.

However, that trait of his was irrelevant when he met Harry Edward Styles during their XFactor journey. The media loves to push this narrative that they were boys who were thrust into the band as complete strangers. Which was true to an extent, but Zayn and Harry met and became mates before One Direction was conceived. 

Zayn couldn’t exactly put his finger on what it was about the cheeky curly haired boy, but once he approached him with a “hello, I’m Harry” and dimpled grin he was hooked. 

Not even hooked in a romantic sense, not yet anyway, but he just knew he’d have a forever friend even when the XFactor journey ended. And that was a quick assessment for Zayn to make, taking into consideration his tendency to keep to himself in uncomfortable situations. 

Harry fortunately was the opposite and could make foreign situations his bitch. He was easy to talk to and even easier to like. In Zayn’s eyes, Harry was like the sun. Made to be in the center of a galaxy, or the center of a boy band in their case, and give everyone around a sense of ease. That kind of power is cosmic.

See, Zayn loves Harry. And he already knew it was a different type of love than the like-a-brother love he had for Niall, Louis, Liam and other miscellaneous members of their whole crew. And it was quite inconvenient he couldn’t define it so he just didn’t think about it. Not until he was absolutely forced to. Which is why it’s important to get to the root of all of it. When the small moments snowballed into huge moments that eventually no one could control.

Zayn and the rest of One Direction were about to embark on their second tour in 2013 that spanned arenas across the globe. And on the last tour was when he and Harry had gotten particularly close or at least their mouths and bodies had, so Zayn wasn’t shocked that he could feel their past energy circling the space around them despite the fact that he had a lovely girlfriend.

They were riding in a van through London on their way to rehearsals for their BRITs performance the following evening. Zayn and Harry were seated in the back seats and Zayn noticed during their banter Harry was being too quiet. He looked over at him on his right and Harry’s face was in a concentrated scowl as he gazed out the window.

“What’s got you down, Harry?” Zayn said quietly enough that it wouldn’t interrupt the conversation of the others. Zayn poked one of Harry’s cheeks and that got a shy grin out of Harry.

“I don’t know,” Harry answered after a brief pause, looking over at Zayn with what Zayn thought was a pathetically precious look of genuine confusion. “I didn’t sleep well last night. And I’m just, like...my brain is in overdrive.”

“Sleep now,” Zayn offered immediately. He saw Harry’s mouth opening with a protest, so he started playing with the hair at the nape of Harry’s neck that was peeping out the brim of the cap he had sitting backwards on his head. 

Harry’s smile went soft and his eyes closed immediately. Zayn’s heart jumped a little bit just seeing how simple it was to make Harry so peaceful.

“I guess I could take a little nap,” Harry mumbled. He pulled away from Zayn’s hand, which Zayn immediately dropped, and pulled his cap off his head to shake out his hair. He looked over at Zayn expectedly and tilted his head in his direction. Zayn chuckled at him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in so that he could settle in for his nap. Zayn used his other hand to play in Harry’s curls and he felt Harry’s deep sigh of relief as he got comfortable.

“My god, he’s like a cat,” Louis commented from across from them. “He’ll literally sleep anywhere.”

Zayn definitely remembered they were in the van, but didn’t think they were being watched. He paused his hand in Harry’s hair which only earned a frustrated groan from where Harry’s face was tucked into his chest. 

“Fuck off, Louis,” Harry said in a non-commital tone. He wiggles his head in a way that told Zayn he wanted him to continue so Zayn went back to working his fingers through his hair.

“Why do I get grumpy Harry?” Louis complained with a playful roll of his eyes.

“He’s just tired, I think,” Zayn answered, subconsciously tightening his grip on Harry.

“Maybe he needs food. You want a crisp?” Niall said from Zayn’s other side. 

“Food doesn’t cure everything Niall,” Liam chimed in with a laugh.

“Says who?” Niall shoots back already reaching over Zayn to poke the top of Harry’s head.

Harry perked his head up momentarily just to get an eye on the bag of chips being prodded at him, dug his hand in the bag to grab more than what Zayn thinks Niall intended, shove half of them his mouth, then chewed happily as he continued to lay against Zayn. He muffled a quick thanks to Niall through a full mouth and closed his eyes again.

“There’s something wrong with that kid,” Louis said with a shake of his head. 

“Yeah, he’s a weird one,” Zayn replied in a fond tone which Harry must appreciate because he snuggles even closer to Zayn if that’s even possible. Zayn’s heart clenches just a little in a special way that it does only for Harry.

While they resumed conversation about other things like Louis’ idea for their next party, Zayn can feel Harry’s breath slow and even out as he sleeps. Harry’s peacefulness settles somewhere deep in Zayn and that moment carried him through the entire day.




After the BRITs the boys got to hang out with their families, hit the after parties and all went back to their apartment complex just to drink some more since they had the following day off. Given, they would’ve gotten shitfaced regardless, but now they had even more reason to.

Zayn didn’t like getting drunk in public, but once they were out the glare and pressure of their peers and many cameras it was game on. 

It made it easier that Louis hadn’t had much to drink either because he’d stocked his apartment with everything they needed to enjoy each other’s company.

“I’m a great fucking host,” Louis boasted, his arm draping across Zayn’s shoulders. They were in Louis’ apartment and music thudded at a perfect volume while their friends floated around in a giddy haze. 

“There’s no denying that. Except, I don’t think I’ve had enough to drink yet.” Zayn jokingly shook his empty cup at Louis and Louis snatched it out his hand. He was a little wobbly, but still played bartender and began making Zayn a drink that Zayn had to look away from otherwise he knew he couldn’t swallow it down.

Louis’ eyes were red and low, so Zayn was sure his were too from the bowl they smoked earlier in the night. He made a mental note to make sure he put eye drops in before he went to bed so he wouldn’t look totally wrecked when he’d agreed to go with his parents and sisters to breakfast.

“You know, I thought after that New Year’s party I peaked. But no, there’s so many parties to be had. Especially since—,” Louis gets cut off by a very happy Harry slapping him on the back. Louis rolled his eyes, but grabbed two additional cups and split the concoction he’d made into three separate servings before topping them each with another splash of vodka.

“What are you saying about New Year’s? That was fun.” Harry stated. He glanced at Zayn from Louis’ side and gave him a cheeky grin. Zayn flushed at the memory of Harry’s curls against his thighs and his nails digging into his hot skin being the most prominent first memory of the new year. Zayn remembers it being triggered over Harry casually mentioning some trip he was going to take with Taylor Swift and his alcohol fueled angst leading him to want Harry to think of him and only him the entire time. Needless to say Harry and Taylor were no longer together.

Zayn knew if he was blushing at that minuscule flirting by Harry, which it should be noted Harry was always very flirty, he hadn’t had enough to drink. Or smoke for that matter.

Zayn graciously accepted the loaded drink from Louis and the three of them pressed the plastic cups together.

“I call this one...who fucking knows.” Louis laughed as they toasted.

“To the ‘who fucking knows’!” Harry shouted loudly. They all tipped their drinks back and somehow with a little eye contact it became a race on who could chug the drink the fastest. Harry inevitably won, but that didn’t stop Zayn from finishing the drink and embracing the heat it added to his stomach. It made returning Harry’s wandering gaze a lot easier. Harry licked his wet bottom lip and dragged his eyes across Zayn’s face. 

Harry was giving him that look that he gave to women anytime they went out, the prowling look that made his green eyes suddenly look slightly evil yet enchanting as his smile crawled up his face. Zayn has always told Harry that the look would never get to him and surprisingly Zayn wasn’t lying. Despite the amount of times they’ve slept together in the past year and memorized each other’s skin it never was a result of the Harry Styles Smolder. At least not directly. He preferred the Harry Styles Puppy Dog pleading face over anything. The one that made Zayn feel as if confident, over-the-top, Harry  _ needed _ him. That’s the look that made Zayn want to bury inside Harry and never pull out. Or have Harry bite at his neck while pounding into him from the back. Whatever the mood was calling for.

So when Harry gave Zayn ‘the look’ Zayn responded by giving him an eye roll and a look that said  _ c’mon you’ve got to do better than that _ . Harry has actually been eyeing Zayn down the entire night and Zayn couldn’t see a way this didn’t end in a mess of limbs on his bed. Still, Zayn knew how to play hard to get if anything especially since they kept vowing to stay away from each other. Zayn didn’t wait for Harry’s response as he left the kitchen. 

Zayn could definitely feel the alcohol hitting him then, the floor a little bit less steady than it was before. Good. That way when Harry inevitably sucks Zayn back into his orbit Zayn can restrict his feelings to his dick and not let the butterflies converge in his stomach like they sometimes tended to do around Harry. For whatever reason.

A very red-faced Niall was dancing in the middle of the living room as ‘Sweet Dreams’ by the Eurythmics came blasting through the sound system. Zayn and the rest of the boys still had on their outfits from the award show and Zayn proceeded to unbutton his black button up as the warmth from the alcohol spread up his body. 

Zayn got halfway down when Niall noticed him watching him thrash around with a smile and the blonde grabbed his hand and pulled him into the middle of all the action. Zayn broke out some of his best fist pumps and robot moves, he saw Harry creep up to join him and suddenly everyone was just a happy dancing blur.




When Zayn woke up the next morning it was slowly. He really had to take a piss and only noticed the pressure on his bladder was something physical when he processed that he was sprawled out on Louis’ couch. He pried his heavy lids open just enough to spot a head full of brown curls laying right on his lower abdomen.

Harry snored softly and as much as Zayn hated to wake him he had to. He got up as gently as possible with the effects of being cross faded the night before hitting him like a train once he was on his feet.

When Zayn made it out the restroom, Harry was sitting up on the couch and rubbing the sleep out his eyes. Harry always looks so soft when he wakes up with his pouty lips and slightly swollen eyes. Zayn could only watch him for a second without his heart swelling and he didn’t definitely didn’t need to think about defeating a hangover and calming his heart. He located their cigarettes, phones, keys and wallets in a designated bowl on the dining room table. He tucked them into his pockets and assessed his situation. 

He still had a few more hours until it was socially unacceptable for him to stay in any longer and he had to take his family to eat as promised. Louis’ apartment was trashed of course and he would stay to help clean up but his hangover and his clenching stomach said otherwise.

“C’mon Harry.” Zayn held his hand out and Harry took it without hesitation, letting Zayn heave him off the couch. 

“Where’re we going?” Harry finally asked as they stepped out of Louis’ apartment to take the short walk to his own. Harry’s voice was still raw with sleep and he hardly walked in a straight line.

“Back to mine,” Zayn answered while stifling a yawn.

“What about Perrie?” Harry questioned, subconsciously gripping Zayn’s hand tighter. 

Zayn sighed, his still foggy brain trying to figure out why Harry would even bring her up.

“Do you see Perrie around anywhere?” Zayn said back, sounding harsher than he’d meant to. To let Harry know that he didn’t mean it in that way he nudged him with his hip and gave him a small smile. Harry returned the gesture and leaned his head against Zayn’s.

When they got inside Zayn’s place they both headed toward the bedroom. 

“Can we sleep longer? I’ll set an alarm.” Harry weakly yawned into his arm and sat down on the edge of Zayn’s bed. It was made up nicely, but only because he’d gotten his assistant to hire someone to clean and stock his fridge before his family came into London so they wouldn’t worry he was wasting into nothing.

“Shower first. I’m surprised you’ve still got all these clothes on.” Zayn stepped between Harry’s open legs and tugged on Harry’s white button up.

“‘Cause I wanted you to take them off.” Harry replied honestly. He gave Zayn a small smirk then leaned back, letting his arms keep him up right as Zayn began undoing his top.

“I figured.” Zayn swallowed, concentrating on his hands undoing the buttons in front of him. “We drank too much to get to that step didn’t we?”

Harry was quiet for a moment as Zayn finally made eye contact with him to slip the shirt off his shoulders. Harry sat up and let Zayn tug his shirt the rest of the way off.

“You know...we don’t always have to be drunk to...you know,” Harry said simply in a quiet voice that was still deepened by exhaustion.

Zayn knew his expression had to be pained because Harry brought a hand up to trail a finger across his cheek and down his jaw. He was freshly shaven and Harry always did some extra obsessing over his face when there was no hair blocking his way.

“I know, Harry,” Zayn whispered. He pressed a kiss to Harry’s cheek then proceeded to remove Harry’s boots and socks.

“Do my feet smell?” Harry joked, wiggling his toes in a clear attempt to lighten the mood. Zayn gently prodded at the screw he tattooed on Harry’s ankle the prior year and Harry wiggled his eyebrows at him. Zayn also had one in the same spot on his body from when they did the tattoos in a hotel room. Liam and Louis followed by doing each other’s and now it just felt like a little piece of each other.

“Still not as bad as some other people we know.” Zayn stood up straight and pulled Harry off the bed so he was standing as well.

Zayn quickly undid Harry’s belt and got the zipper to his jeans down. That was always the easiest part. Harry just insisted on wearing the tightest jeans possible and from the mischievous glint in his eyes Zayn knew Harry was going to make him do all the work.

Zayn tugged Harry’s jeans and was good until he got to Harry’s thighs. Harry giggled and Zayn let out a frustrated huff. Zayn pushed Harry back so he was sitting on the bed again and yanked his jeans the rest of the way down and tugged them off his feet. Although Zayn was thin he was deceptively strong and looked up at Harry to gauge whether or not he had shoved Harry too hard. 

When he looked up he immediately felt all the blood in his body rush to his dick. Harry’s eyes were dark and his lips slightly parted and Zayn already knew if he looked down he’d see Harry’s growing erection.

Zayn swallowed and opened his mouth to say something, but his words immediately got lost in his mind as Harry began returning the favor of unbuttoning his shirt.

“You’ve got too many clothes on,” Harry said roughly, quickly opening up Zayn’s shirt. Before Harry could slip the shirt off Zayn’s arms, he surged forward and grabbed Harry’s face. 

Zayn assessed Harry’s plump pink lips for just a moment before crashing his own lips into them, lingering morning breath be damned. Harry responded immediately by digging his fingers into Zayn’s waist and pulling him closer. Zayn licked at Harry’s bottom lip and Harry immediately allowed his tongue entrance, already breathing hard around the kiss. He was so engrossed in his mouth, Zayn didn’t even notice Harry had been working to remove undo his jeans until he felt Harry’s fingers brushing along the growing bulge forming in his boxer briefs. 

Zayn broke the kiss far too soon and pulled back with a loud whine of protest from Harry. 

“Zayn, please,” Harry said, barely opening his eyes before pressing his lips to Zayn’s collarbone.

“Shower,” Zayn managed to say as Harry’s tongue darted across his collarbone. Zayn’s self control was waning, but he genuinely wanted to take Harry’s suggestion into consideration that they mess around completely coherently. No matter how terrible of a idea he knew it’d be in the long run his curiosity couldn’t help getting the best of him.

“Shower with me,” Harry replied as Zayn stepped back. 

“I need a smoke, I’ll make it up to you before we have to go, okay?” Zayn took Harry’s face in his hands and gave him a soft kiss on his nose. That got a satisfied grin out of Harry and he gave one of his crawling grins that could only be done if his eyes with it. Zayn couldn’t resist kissing each of his eyelids as well.

“Pinky promise?” Harry said, already hooking Zayn’s pinky through his own. How he found it with his eyes still closed was beyond Zayn, but he learned not to question Harry’s senses that picked and chose when they wanted to work.

“Promise. Now go. I think there’s extra toothbrushes in the cabinet.” Zayn smacked Harry in the ass as he sauntered to the bathroom. He was already digging out his cigarette and searching for a lighter when Harry dropped his boxer briefs just before getting into the bathroom. He gave Zayn a look over his shoulder like he just knew Zayn would be checking out his ass. Which of course Zayn was, the little fucker.

Zayn escaped to the balcony with his lighter in hand. And even when he tried to get distracted on his phone he came across a couple of drunken selfies Harry had taken with it at some point during the night and his heart clenched. He tried not to overthink their situation. Just fun. A stress relief. A very morally wrong stress relief depending on who was asked, but stress relief nonetheless. He could do this. They could do it.

He burned through two cigarettes and stood outside even longer before going back inside the apartment. Harry was somewhere rummaging inside his closet, no doubt looking for something to wear.

“It’s too neat inside here!” Harry yelled out sounding genuinely flustered.

“Mess it up a little for me then. They did a little too good a job cleaning this place up,” Zayn called back as he went in for his own shower. While in there he got a quick wank off thinking of Harry’s bare ass just to see if it cleared his mind any. 

He got out and took some painkillers to stop the onslaught of a hangover headache that he’d been able to ignore courtesy of his resident ball of sunshine. He brushed his teeth and combed back his wet hair, already deciding he was just going to stick it under a beanie for the day. 

When he came out the bathroom with a towel sitting low on his hips he found Harry sitting underneath the covers scrolling through his phone. 

“Do you even have any clothes on, Harry?” Zayn asked. Harry blushed a bit unaware he was being watched. 

“I was waiting for my hair to dry,” he replied sheepishly, combing a hand through his damp curls. “I started some coffee though! While you were in the shower.”

“You figured out how to use the machine? I’m proud.” Zayn made his way to the kitchen and came right as there was enough in the pot to pour both of them a cup. Harry followed shortly after, still completely nude and holding a pillow to his crotch. Zayn hugged his cup as he fell into a fit of laughter. 

“You’re covering up like I haven’t seen it all before. Silly boy.” Zayn spoke between his laughter before taking a nice long sip of the coffee he could already feel waking him up. Luckily he didn’t need too much because he was definitely going to take advantage of their day off with a nice long nap after or maybe even during the family festivities. 

“Nudity is rude over coffee,” Harry replied, keeping one hand on the pillow and the other on his coffee.

“Mmmm, c’mere,” Zayn said over his cup. He just liked to see the way Harry squirmed with what little shyness he did possess. Zayn set down his cup of coffee and grabbed Harry’s out his hand as well. Zayn leaned against the counter and pulled on Harry until they were close enough that Zayn’s lips could brush against one of the birds inked on the front of his shoulders. He nibbled the spot gently before grazing his teeth over one of Harry’s nipples. Harry inhaled sharply and dropped the pillow on to their feet.

“I like rude.” Zayn said against Harry’s skin. Zayn slid his hands across Harry’s addicting hips to his even better ass as he swiped his tongue across Harry’s nipple. Harry let out a moan that was probably the best sound Zayn would hear all week, so he continued his onslaught on Harry’s other nipple.

“Fuck...Zayn,” Harry barely finished getting Zayn’s name out his mouth before he tilted Zayn’s head up so they were kissing. They automatically began with urgent tongues and barely let up for air. Harry kept his hands placed on Zayn’s jaw and neck while pressing their hips together. Zayn moaned into Harry’s mouth as he felt Harry’s dick rubbing against his own through the towel. He pulled back just to kick the pillow out the way and drop his towel. When he met Harry’s eyes, all of Zayn’s skin was lit on fire by his starry green eyes.

Zayn quickly flipped them around so that Harry was the one pressed against the counter. Zayn kept his eyes on Harry’s as he spit into his palm and wrapped his hand around Harry’s dick. He snuck in a kiss when Harry moaned at the contact. Zayn swiped his thumb over the precome leaking out the tip and proceeded to lazily stroke up and down Harry’s length. Zayn essentially has Harry’s dick memorized at this point and practically salivated at its perfection every time he looked down at his hand.

Harry held on to Zayn’s shoulders as Zayn looked him straight in the face. Harry was moving his hips up into Zayn’s hand and mumbling profanities under his breath. Morning light streamed into the kitchen and even though they felt a bit more exposed than usual it felt overwhelmingly right.

“I...I want you in my mouth,” Harry said in a desperate tone. That shocked Zayn, but he was basically going cross eyed from how turned on he was, so he nodded his head and reluctantly let go of Harry’s dick. 

Zayn used his foot to bring the pillow back over, so Harry could rest his knees on it instead of the hard kitchen floor. Even in his hormone crazed brain he still couldn’t resist being a gentleman to Harry.

Harry settled himself and immediately after wrapping his hand around Zayn’s length he took Zayn’s tip in his mouth. Zayn cursed and tried to fight the automatic bucking of his hips as Harry ran his tongue around his tip and slit slowly. Zayn brought one hand to Harry’s cheek and the other to Harry’s shoulder just to keep himself steady. 

“That’s good, babe,” Zayn grunted out as Harry let his mouth snake all the way down his length repeatedly until he reached the base. Harry hummed in satisfaction as Zayn hit the back of his throat and he held himself there for a moment before pulling back. He worked Zayn’s length with his hand as he sloppily lapped at his balls. Zayn’s moans filled the kitchen and he couldn’t even be self conscious as Harry held onto his thighs and opened up his mouth as an invitation. 

Zayn could only look down at Harry’s hungry face for a brief moment to guide his dick into Harry’s open mouth or he felt he might actually spontaneously combust. Zayn paused for a moment to make sure Harry was comfortable before grabbing onto his curly brown hair and slowly fucking in and out his very skilled mouth. Harry’s moans vibrated around his dick and Zayn kept a hand on his cheek just to feel every time his dick filled Harry’s mouth.

“Fuck, Harry, you’re so fuckin’ perfect, yeah. Just like that,” Zayn said as clearly as possible because he knew Harry loved affirmations in everything. Zayn fucked into Harry’s mouth a little faster as Harry dragged his long fingers up and down Zayn’s torso and through his trimmed pubic hair.

“I’m gonna...fuck, do you want it down that perfect ass throat of yours?” Zayn looked down at Harry and let go of Harry’s hair, so that Harry could pull off his dick and catch a quick breath. His face was flushed and spit dripped down his parted lips onto his chin as he eagerly nodded his head. 

“Yeah, I want you...yeah, in my mouth,” Harry said almost incoherently between heavy breaths. Before Zayn was even prepared, Harry took his dick back into his mouth. This time his green eyes looked up at Zayn as his mouth followed his hand twisting up and down Zayn’s length. The eye contact was enough to send Zayn over the edge in no time at all. His toes curled up and he had to hold on to Harry’s shoulder just to keep himself up right. Zayn’s eyes rolled back as he came into Harry’s mouth and he lost sense of all time and space for a moment as his body jolted. When he got done, he looked down at Harry and gripped his chin as he displayed all the come on his tongue before swallowing it down.

Zayn immediately got Harry to stand up and sunk his tongue into his mouth, still on the high of his orgasm. The odd combination of tasting himself, the coffee and traces of mint toothpaste were enough to keep him half hard and it was enough confusion for him to pull back and really take a good look at Harry’s face. Harry’s eyes were only half open along with his mouth and his cheeks were flushed pink. 

“What?” Harry asked, hips moving around as Zayn absentmindedly stroked Harry’s dick.

“Nothing. You’re just hot,” Zayn admitted. Zayn used the middle finger from his free hand to wipe the residual spit from around Harry’s mouth. He then stuck it in Harry’s mouth briefly before pulling it out and making sure Harry saw how wet it was. Harry’s eyes followed the finger until he couldn’t and Zayn is parting his ass prodding at his entrance. That earns a moan from Harry that he quickly suppresses with his lips finding Zayn’s. Zayn tugs on Harry’s bottom lip with his teeth as they pull away, but keep their foreheads together. Zayn uses Harry’s precome to slick him up while inserting his middle finger knuckle deep into Harry. 

“Zayn…” Harry moans desperately, hips thrusting into Zayn’s hand.

“You like that?” Zayn huffs out as Harry’s face falls to his neck. Harry nods and gently sucks at Zayn’s lower neck and Zayn isn’t even concerned about any marks when Harry is basically begging that close to his ear. Zayn has to close his eyes just to focus on pressing his finger another knuckle length into Harry’s clenching hole. He slides it back and forth slowly until Harry’s relaxes into it and he can properly finger fuck him.

Zayn nudges his shoulder up where Harry is kissing it, so that Harry picks his head and makes eye contact with him. 

“Kiss me,” Zayn breathes when he sees the tell tale signs of Harry’s orgasm rumbling up. Harry presses himself closer to Zayn and whimpers into their kiss. One of Harry’s hands is tangled into the hair on top of Zayn’s hair and after a quick tug, Harry is coming hotly all over Zayn’s hand. Zayn pulls his other hand out to hold on to Harry’s face, making sure he’s kissing him through his entire orgasm even as his body shudders.

As Harry’s body relaxes, Zayn pulls away with a few pecks to the lips before picking up his abandoned towel and wetting the corner with warm water to clean off their messy bodies. Harry smiles lazily at him and picks up the pillow. 

“Can we nap now?” Harry asked. Zayn was almost amazed at how adorable and endearing Harry could be even with his mouth still looking freshly fucked. Zayn brushed a finger along Harry’s bottom lip and kissed his cheek.

“You’re giving me a look,” Harry pointed out when Zayn’s thumb lingered on his lips. Zayn blinked a couple of times and made his face more neutral.

“No different then how I normally look at you, Harry. You’re still thinking with your sex brain.” Zayn led the way back to his bedroom and grabbed his phone to check the time. He knew exactly what look he was giving Harry. It was the look that matched the thought he was having at that very moment— _ I would do anything for you _ .

“Sure,” Harry spoke in a way that made Zayn know he was unconvinced, but Zayn ignored that.

“We’ve got like...30 minutes to an hour tops before my mum blows up my phone telling me she’s on her way to drag me out,” Zayn told Harry as he climbed in the bed and under the covers. 

“That sounds like heaven,” Harry murmured, following Zayn’s lead. Harry snuggled up to Zayn and laid on his chest, letting out a content sigh. After a few beats he shocks Zayn by kissing Zayn’s chest and patting it reassuringly. “Told you it would even be good sober.”

“Well I knew that before you said anything,” Zayn replied, trying to sound nonchalant.

Except he was more than a little concerned. It wasn’t good. It was great. It was the best they’d had in awhile and their dicks hadn’t been inside one another. Soon, they had to be in close proximity for weeks on end and Zayn already knew this was a dangerous game they’d be playing. He could already feel himself letting his heart give way to Harry and that wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

Zayn was being pulled in by the sun, and surely that could only lead to them both burning into nothing.

But who was he to fight gravity?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ao3 is getting this chapter before wattpad yay.


	3. teenage love affair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw, it's my only work on here bc a lot of the fandoms that i write for have bigger crowds on wattpad BUT all my chapters are song titles meant to set the mood should you want to. enjoy!

_**"another secret meeting, on the fifth floor staircase. i'm gonna give you this letter, of all the things i can't say." teenage love affair x alicia keys** _

Harry was always watching Zayn. Even when he hardly realized what he was doing he constantly had some part of his senses focused on Zayn from the moment they met. Harry has always been charming and loved making new friends because why the hell not? When he met Zayn he could already tell Zayn would be a tough egg to crack, but enjoyed the challenge. He wanted everyone to like him, but he particularly wanted Zayn to trust him. And once Zayn did? Harry’s heart couldn’t have been warmer.

They were good for each other. They almost immediately accepted they were opposites in a lot of aspects in life and suddenly their friendship felt like it could stretch to the ends of the universe which Harry enjoyed. The infinite nature of it all.

Harry has become so accustomed to Zayn’s energy he could sometimes sense when Zayn was in a room before he ever entered it. Not because Zayn was loud or he had Zayn’s schedule memorized. No, Harry could just feel him as ridiculous as it sounds. Harry could be approaching a door then suddenly his heart would start racing and when he opened it Zayn would be sprawled out on the couch playing video games with Liam or sometimes if he got lucky it would be just Zayn by himself. Or when they were on stage or doing photo shoots he could just sense where Zayn was without even having to look around. 

Harry loved that about Zayn. That Zayn carried an energy so strong Harry could literally follow him anywhere without even breaking a sweat. And the feelings for Zayn were quite simple in his head. Until they just couldn’t be simple anymore.

However, Harry reveled in his sweet Zayn feelings when they were simple. He didn’t try to hide from them. He let them soak him up and lead him back to Zayn every single time he felt lost. Zayn felt like forever. Zayn felt like home.

When Harry found Zayn alone in their backstage fitness room he couldn’t help the smile that instantly worked its way across his face. Zayn turned around from his spot against the wall with his phone against his ear. He returned Harry’s smile and gestured to his phone apologetically. Harry shook his head like it was no big deal and started messing around with stuff around the room. Harry just liked to be in Zayn’s presence, speaking or not, because it always calmed his nerves down. It wasn’t until he felt Zayn’s eyes following him that he realized Zayn was staring at him.

“Sorry, this was the only empty room and my sister was having an outfit crisis then my mum...then another sister.” Zayn smiled softly and shook his head. “Anyway, they’re on their way now I hope.”

“It’s okay. Just glad I finally found you alone,” Harry admitted, embarrassment probably obvious on his face. They hadn’t really had a moment in a couple of days between the tour opening, their family being in town and cameras all over the place to film their concert movie. And Harry was just itching to have his hands all over Zayn in more than just their regular PDA. The entire dynamic of their group was very physical, but only one set of those grabby hands could send shocks like lightning straight to his chest.

“You’re beginning to be quite skillful at finding me alone, aren’t you?” Zayn questioned, pressing his tongue against the back of his teeth in a playful way.

“Maybe a little.” Harry let his eyes wander Zayn’s face as Zayn approached him. To his surprise, Zayn held his face in both hands and smashed their lips together. 

The kiss was immediately urgent and Harry wrapped his arms around Zayn to make sure he could get every part of their bodies touching that he possibly could. Harry was just slightly taller than Zayn and had more weight to him compared to Zayn’s thin frame, but Harry enjoyed how Zayn could still somehow make him feel small sometimes. Not to mention it always made for a nice little surprise when they were fighting for control and Zayn won the battle as he did in that moment when he pushed Harry into the wall.

Harry let out a groan that he was too turned on to be embarrassed about as he grabbed Zayn’s ass through his sweats. Harry sucked on Zayn’s tongue as Zayn pulled away to kiss along Harry’s jaw.

“I’m supposed...to be getting you so we can go to sound check,” Harry said through his pants, trying and failing to get his mind unscrambled with Zayn’s wet lips now against his neck.

“How am I supposed to get through sound check when all I can think about…,” Zayn trailed off and stepped back from Harry, raking his eyes up and down Harry’s body. Harry touched where Zayn’s lips just were and took a deep breath.

“They’ll be looking for us, and that’ll be a little hard to explain away.” Harry smirked and Zayn let out a little breathless laugh, turning away from Harry so he can adjust himself. Harry followed suit because it’d be hard to pretend they were being innocent when they’re semis are showing through their sweats.

“You drive me crazy sometimes, Harry,” Zayn said softly as he turned back around. Zayn slapped two messy kisses on Harry’s cheeks and Harry thought for sure his cheeks would pop off from how hard he was smiling.

“But like...crazy in a good way right?” Harry mused. Zayn paused as he was opening the door to the hallway as if he was actually considering the question.

In reply, he just gave Harry another smile and walked into the hallway.

Harry swore that smile made his heart skip a beat.




Zayn always made Harry at least a little nervous. Harry knew better than most people that Zayn’s hard edges were just a coping mechanism. That once Zayn let his walls down he was more caring than people gave him credit for. Still, Harry couldn’t help the little feathering in his stomach whenever he got around Zayn sometimes.

That’s the exact feathering he gets an hour or two after their first show in Scotland. Harry texted Zayn to come up to his hotel room and Zayn had sent back a simple okay followed immediately with a winky face and Harry felt that stupid emoticon right in his dick. Zayn normally took his time, so Harry goes to the bathroom to jerk off quickly because he wanted to drag out whatever he and Zayn were going to do. Harry wanted quick and dirty, so he spit on his palm and closed his eyes as he wrapped his hand around himself while sitting against the bathroom counter. He jerked off with thoughts of Zayn and Zayn only and how good he looked under stage lights in his tight jeans and tattoos and talented voice and beautiful face and the way his lips felt against him when he had something to whisper and well...let’s just say he came in no time at all. He might’ve even moaned Zayn’s name a couple of times. 

Harry catches his breath and quickly cleans up, washing his hands and stripping off the shirt he accidentally got come on before going back into his suite. He senses Zayn before seeing him, but thinking it was just the orgasm fogging his head he almost has a heart attack when he sees Zayn sitting on the edge of his bed. Zayn laughs and gestures to the restroom.

“What was going on in there?” Zayn asks, standing up and walking toward Harry. Harry is still clutching his chest from the scare of seeing Zayn in nothing but lamplight after, not very quietly, jerking off to thoughts of him just moments prior.

“Uh, nothing?” Harry answers as a question since he doesn’t want to incriminate himself.

“Nothing?” Zayn repeats back.

“Nothing,” Harry confirms, holding up his hands as Zayn walks even closer. “Just making sure my hands are all nice and clean. Hygiene is important, you know.”

Zayn nods and finally stops right in front of Harry. He puts his lips against Harry’s ear just like they’re on stage, his hands gripping Harry’s bare shoulders. The sensation makes a shiver run down Harry’s spine.

“That’s funny because I could’ve sworn I heard you rubbing one out,” Zayn said softly. Harry made eye contact and Zayn raised his eyebrows as a question, but Harry didn’t have any clue what to say that wasn’t begging for them to fuck. Zayn nodded then chuckled, re-positioning so his thigh was pressing against Harry’s crotch. Harry gasped and fought his body’s natural urge to start grinding against Zayn. Harry held on to Zayn’s hips just to try and keep himself grounded, but the result is Zayn being defiant and instead grinding into Harry. Harry let’s put a soft moan and grips Zayn’s hips tighter. Harry bites his lip to suppress his next moan and Zayn is back at his ear, his voice down an octave.

“It sounded something like ‘ _ oh fuck, Zayn. Yeah, just like that Zayn, fuck. Zayn, Zayn, Zayn _ .’” Zayn does his always spot on impression of Harry, and rolls his hips in Harry’s with each repetition of his name. “Are you sure that’s not what I heard?”

Harry responds by urgently pressing his lips to Zayn’s and walking them back towards the bed. He feels Zayn chuckle into their kiss, but he matches Harry’s urgency by already working on tugging his own shirt off. Zayn’s mouth tastes like something Harry’s familiar with, mint and cigarettes. Harry didn’t even smoke nor did he ever plan to, but he always savored the taste of Zayn’s mouth, his tongue.

“I missed you so much,” Harry admitted as he hovered over Zayn. Harry just latched their lips back together before Zayn could say something practical like they’ve been together basically all day. Harry didn’t get to be this way with Zayn when Perrie was accompanying them on the tour and coming to shows which she did in London. Harry didn’t even mind her and though she and Zayn were a great couple. But it was really hard for Harry to think about his morals when Zayn touched him the way he did. So he found himself missing Zayn a lot.

When Harry is still thinking about it, Zayn gently scratches down Harry’s side until he reaches the waistband of Harry’s sweats to start tugging them off.

“I’m surprised you weren’t naked already,” Zayn comments as Harry rolls over onto his back to kick the sweats the rest of the way off his legs.

“I didn’t think you’d get here so soon.” Harry admits this while going for Zayn’s jeans. He’s still a bit off balance from the dirty words Zayn whispered in his ear and the even dirtier kissing that followed, but Harry still managed to glide Zayn’s jeans off somewhat gracefully.

Zayn just grunted as a response because Harry was enthusiastically taking Zayn’s boxer briefs followed by his own. Harry loved to marvel at the masterpiece that is naked Zayn Malik, but before he even got a look Zayn was standing up and pulling Harry up with him. 

“Where’s the stuff?” Zayn asked, already pulling Harry toward his bag that was thrown on the floor.

“Uhhh, main pocket the...the side, fuck,” Harry struggled to get his words out while Zayn jerked him off slowly with one hand while digging through the bag with the other. Harry starts pawing at Zayn’s back with one hand, trying to keep his balance because he’s not even sure how Zayn’s hand feels as good as it does.

“Are you gonna tell me what happened in the bathroom?” Zayn asks in a sweet tone as he tosses the box of condoms on the bed and stands up straight to face Harry with Harry’s new bottle of lube in the other. It had already been used once a few days prior when Harry was doing solo work on himself. Harry can see the recognition in Zayn’s eyes as his eyes glance over the bottle and the smirk on Zayn’s face makes a blush creep up Harry’s cheeks. They both know they’re the only men each other mess around with and Harry would always tell Zayn if he found some new bird to screw around with. “Well...are you?” Zayn presses, bringing Harry’s mind back to the question. 

Harry’s dick jumps at Zayn’s tone and the way Zayn is eyeing him mischievously as he slowly backs Harry into the bedside table. Harry has always been a bit of a masochist, so if he has to play hard to get just to find out how Zayn will let out his irritation on him then he’ll gladly do that. Harry bites his bottom lip and shakes his head, fluttering his eyelashes innocently.

“I have no fucking clue what you’re on about, Zayn,” Harry drags the words out, letting Zayn’s name marinate on his tongue for a bit. Zayn's smile was almost wicked, but before Harry could change his mind Zayn was turning him around and pressing his body up against his. Harry caught himself on the bedside table, bending over slightly while Zayn rubbed his hard dick up against his ass. Harry bit on to his bottom lip while Zayn left lazy kisses all over his back. Harry groans when Zayn bites down on his shoulder blade and sucks on it roughly before pulling away too soon for Harry’s liking. 

“I guess I’ll have to find out what those sounds were for myself. Keep your hands on the table,” Zayn whispered into Harry’s ear before smacking his ass hard enough to make him jump. Zayn chuckles, but it’s a little strangled and Harry can immediately tell that Zayn is just as turned on as he is. Harry does as he’s told and keeps his hands resting on the table and looks over his shoulder to see Zayn drizzling some lube on his fingers. Zayn notices him looking and winks as he also let’s the cool liquid drip down between Harry’s ass cheeks. Harry hangs his head and finally lets out a moan as Zayn’s fingertip toys with the entrance of his hole. His skin always feels as if it’s on fire, like he’s zooming ahead too fast on a roller coaster, when he’s with Zayn. But this time is different. It’s all been getting different. Neither of them may say it, but they’ve gradually shifted from sloppy “accidental” hooking up (their dicks just casually slid inside each other’s asses—no big deal) to this very calculated hooking up. And the difference makes Harry even more excited as Zayn slips a finger inside him. He fucks back on Zayn’s fingers as he adds another and hooks in a third shortly afterward, Zayn smoothly opening him up.

“Are you ready?” Zayn asks, voice rushed and out of breath. When Harry turns to look at him, Zayn’s lids are low and he’s chewing on his bottom lip while he watches Harry. Zayn is still teasing Harry with his fingers, but now his free hand is tugging on his erection and the sight is enough to make Harry grab his own dick.

“Yeah,” Harry huffs out, finally standing up straight and grabbing the box of condoms. He pulls one out the box and tosses the box to the floor. Harry knocks Zayn’s hand away from Zayn’s own dick, and resumes the work Zayn was doing on himself. Zayn gives him a smile with his tongue pressed against the back of his teeth and combs a hand through Harry’s messy hair. Harry’s tempted to suck Zayn off and not stop until Zayn is coming down his throat, but he wants Zayn’s dick inside of him more so he settles on dipping his head and sucking at Zayn’s hip, right beside the solid black heart tattoo. Zayn hisses at that, but doesn’t stop him so Harry makes his way lower to suck another mark above his thigh. He spares a glance up at Zayn and smiled as he pulled away and admired the way Zayn’s long eyelashes cast shadows across his perfectly sculpted cheekbones. He’s just thinking about how he could literally live in those eyelashes when he removes his mouth from Zayn’s skin with a pop.

“If you keep doing that I’m gonna fuck your throat until you can’t speak, Harry.” Before Harry could come up with a witty retort about how they had a show the following day and they would have to somehow explain that to their management, Zayn’s leaning over and pressing their lips together. Harry runs his tongue along Zayn’s bottom lip to gain entrance to his mouth. He explores Zayn’s mouth with his tongue while ripping open the condom packet. He has to pull away to roll it down Zayn’s length because he’s definitely not always a great multitasker. He grabs the lube and uncaps it, drizzling it all over Zayn’s dick. Zayn smiles down fondly at him and he’s so proud of himself when he’s done he almost forgets the purpose of it while taking a moment to admire his work. Zayn rolls his eyes and shakes his head, signaling for Harry to flip over on to his stomach. He happily does just that and complies as Zayn hooks Harry’s left leg up and brushes the free hand down Harry’s spine. Harry shivers at the touch and wiggles around when Zayn teases his entrance with the head of his dick. Zayn just presses down on Harry’s lower back with a wide palm and drags that hand down to grip Harry’s hip.

“Fuck Zayn, please,” Harry begged, trying to squirm back. His dick was leaking all over the hotel cover and he needed either some friction or the fullness of Zayn’s dick inside of him. Desperately. His skin still burned all over and he only wanted Zayn to make him hotter. Set him on fire.

Zayn placed a kiss on the small of his back and before Harry could complain any further, Zayn roughly palmed his ass with one hand and led his dick into Harry’s hole. Harry gripped on to the sheets as he adjusted to Zayn. It’d been a little awhile, but Zayn prepped him well so it wasn’t long before he was nodding his head for Zayn to continue. Slowly but surely Zayn inched into Harry’s until they’re flesh to flesh. Harry moved his hips back to let Zayn know he’s ready and Zayn starts thrusting into him then, gripping Harry’s right hip so hard he knows he’ll feel that ache in the morning. If Harry didn’t think he could get turned on anymore, Zayn let’s loose some moans that sound almost as beautiful as his singing voice.

“You're so good, Harry. Say my name loud just like you did in the loo, yeah?” Zayn grunts out. He lifts Harry’s other leg up so it’s on the bed as well and reaches around Harry to tug on his dick while he pounded into him.

“Yes, Zayn fuck,” Harry cried out, his voice raspy and deeper than normal. “I wanted you to fuck me just like this Zayn. And, fuck, I...was thinking of you, Zayn.”

Harry uses that moment to fuck back onto Zayn, just to make Zayn curse louder, just to make sure he feels it more. They’re moving as one and it’s not long before Harry feels his orgasm rolling up. 

“Oh, I’m gonna…,” Harry barely gets the words out before Zayn is flipping him over onto his back. The last thing he sees is Zayn slipping the condom off before Harry throws his head back from the pleasure of Zayn taking his dick into his mouth. Harry chances a glance at Zayn after getting over the initial shock and the sight of Zayn with his cheeks hollowed off is enough to set him off. Zayn pulls his mouth off of Harry’s dick just in time as Harry comes all over his own stomach. Then Zayn is standing up and Harry, in a star filled gaze, reaches forward to help Zayn jerk himself off until he tightens up, biting on to his bottom lip, and he’s spilling all over Harry’s stomach as well.

Harry pulls Zayn down on top of him, not caring about the mess, and kisses softly Zayn through the last bit of shuddering. They lay like that and plant small kisses until both of their heart beats are relatively back to normal. 

“We should shower,” Harry says to break the silence. Zayn chuckles and rolls off of Harry to sit up on the bed.

They take turns showering, Zayn insisting that if they shower together they won’t get very clean. Harry doesn’t think too much of it, but is greatly relieved that when he gets out the bathroom Zayn is still there, just lounging under the covers. Harry is always half scared Zayn will come to some different senses and decide that they shouldn’t be messing around anymore. That they definitely shouldn’t lay together afterward. He’s seen how Zayn treats his casual hookups and he would like to think he’s a bit more than that.

Harry grins cheekily at Zayn as he pulls on some boxers and slides in next to him on the bed. Zayn puts his arm out expectantly and Harry graciously cuddles up to Zayn while they both scroll their phones. 

“Will you stay?” Harry asks, as they both get visually more drowsy. Zayn almost seems offended by the question because he scoffs in return, and maybe Harry’s just a little bit embarrassed but he doesn’t want to admit how sad he feels when he wakes up and Zayn is no longer there.

“‘Course, Harry. You’re not just some random bird. We make good roommates anyway.”

“That’s true,” Harry replies. Harry and Zayn were always together when they had to share rooms from the very beginning up until the last tour. Zayn could sleep through Harry’s snoring and Harry knew how to coax Zayn out of his deepest sleep. That’s how they wound up going from taking turns fucking women in the same room, to fucking the same women in their room to just fucking each other. Harry definitely preferred the latter.

They fell asleep shortly afterwards and when Harry’s alarm went off in the morning, he immediately started grabbing around for Zayn after having dreamt about him. He didn’t even open his eyes to find Zayn and when he did, Zayn curled up facing away from Harry, he wrapped his body around him and kissed the back of Zayn’s neck tenderly until he started stirring. Right when he was about to greet Zayn with a cheerful suggestion of some morning head, someone was knocking on the door insistently. It was still too early for Harry’s training session and if they really wanted him up they always had duplicate keys to all their rooms. Harry reluctantly detached himself from Zayn and pulled on some basketball shorts and answered the door. Louis came bounding in and immediately hopped on the bed. Harry was glad the smell of sex must’ve left the room by then because Niall and Liam followed shortly afterward.

“You lads can't just have sleepovers without inviting us, that's no fair,” Louis said, mainly talking into Zayn’s confused, sleepy face. “I was bored to tears last night.”

“You could’ve just come over then. You knew where I was,” Zayn replied, his raspy morning voice so attractive Harry had to sit down and cuddle on the couch next to Niall just to calm down the blood pumping straight to his dick. It doesn’t help that he now has the image of Louis actually trying to find Zayn and not getting an answer because of course Zayn was busy being balls deep in Harry.

He was surprised they were all awake so early and at the same time, in the same place even if they had a radio interview to do that morning, but that was just a reminder it was back to reality. He and Zayn were just really good friends...friends who fucked occasionally but that wasn’t and could never be a public fact. Harry had to furiously knock down the very silly thought that had crossed his mind the night before when he’d fallen asleep to Zayn’s heartbeat—that he could stay that way forever.




When they get to the venue later that day, Harry is doing everything he can not to be around Zayn too much. Zayn’s pointed out before that Harry has these puppy dog eyes he gets when he wants attention and it would become painfully obvious really quick who he wants all the attention from. It made it a little harder given his subconscious Zayn tracking abilities, but there was plenty to keep his mind off the dull ache of his hips and ass. 

When he finally gives himself a break from resisting, he finds Zayn with a can of spray paint in his hand about to decorate one of the many large sheets of paper they always hung up for him to work on. He spotted Harry and just reached into a box on the ground to hand him a mask to protect from the fumes. Harry slipped it on gratefully and sat down near Zayn’s feet.

It’s almost funny that Harry, an asthmatic, finds Zayn of all people to be like fresh air. Zayn smokes, partakes in a form of art that requires a mask, and sometimes fucks Harry so hard that it takes him an impossibly long time to get his breathing regular again for someone who works out frequently. But still. Watching Zayn spray paint is therapeutic. Like a last minute picnic he just  _ has  _ to go on because the weather is just so nice. He imagines getting his blanket and laying out in the middle of a soft patch of grass and the sky calms him. He could pick out the shapes of clouds as they move along gracefully and fluidly, much like Zayn, until sunset, the oranges and pinks and blues cascading across the sky are familiar and so breathtaking he can’t utter a word. It makes his eyes water up from the comfort. The sky isn’t always like this. Sometimes it rains and hails. Sometimes the clouds sit low and don’t go away for days on end. Even then it’s still lovely. But when it’s clear and sure in its beauty? That’s the moment. That’s the moment that reminds Harry most of Zayn.

“It’s all getting to be a bit real, innit?” Zayn says suddenly, snapping Harry out of his daydream and back to reality as he plops down next to him.

“What do you mean?” Harry asks, playing with the strings hanging from the rips in Zayn’s jeans. He can do that at least.

“I mean now that we’re out of London we’re really on tour. For months now.”

Harry frowns and nudges his shoulder against Zayn. He hates thinking that Zayn is already feeling the pressure of it all. He’d kiss all the worry out of Zayn’s voice if he wasn’t vaguely aware there were other people in the room further away.

“We get breaks here and there,” Harry says reassuringly. “And we get to take planes more often and have nicer rooms.”

“I know I know. It’s just… a lot, y’know? With everything going on constantly.”

Zayn must notice the worried expression on Harry’s face because he chuckles and leans in to grab Harry’s face and kiss his forehead.

“Don’t worry I’m not like spiraling when we’re barely getting started,” Zayn pauses, searching Harry’s face for something, his hands still gently cupping Harry’s face. “Just mentally preparing myself I guess.”

“You don’t ever need to spiral when you’ve got me. I’ll spiral for the both of us,” Harry says proudly, nudging his nose against Zayn in a quick Eskimo kiss. Zayn lets out an easy laugh and grips Harry’s hand to pull them both up to their feet.

“That won’t be necessary, Harry. You’re the baby, I’ll worry about you.” Zayn pinches Harry’s cheek and it feels much like the dynamic they had in the beginning and it makes Harry’s heart feel a little lighter.

“Heeeeyyy, I’m not ‘the baby’ anymore. I’m 19!” Harry protested, following Zayn towards the dressing room where they needed to start getting hair and wardrobe for the show.

“Oh whatevs. Unless one of us magically stops aging then you’re forever ‘the baby’, Harry. Accept it, mate.” Zayn grinned as if he was satisfied by Harry’s pouting and patted his back a few times as they walked. Right before they reached the room, Harry saw an opportunity to pull Zayn into a random room someone had just walked out of. Zayn only tugged back a little bit, confusion painting his face. Harry smiled sweetly as he pushed Zayn up against the nearest wall and put his lips to Zayn’s ear.

“You weren’t calling me the baby last night,” Harry whispered, lightly kissing the top of Zayn’s jawline and pressing their bodies together. After a slight pause, Zayn was pulling at Harry’s hips, latching his own lips to Harry’s neck with a light pressure because they couldn’t just go around with fresh hickies on themselves. But just as Zayn reached his lips, Harry pulled away and giggled at Zayn’s shocked face.

“I’m not a baby,” Harry told Zayn’s pouty lips. As much as Harry wanted to grab him up and never let go he had to make his point. After Zayn simply rolled his eyes and followed out the room with Harry, Harry was feeling quite victorious. They approached the door and Zayn surprised him by grabbing his ass and tweaking one of his nipples, which made Harry actually moan out loud. He clamped his hand over his mouth and didn’t even bother to look around and see who else was in the hallway for risk of dying of embarrassment. He shot daggers with his eyes at Zayn who just laughed and stuck his tongue out at Harry while he opened the door and let himself be whisked away by Niall who had something funny to show him.

“Still the baby!” Zayn called and Harry just flipped him off although he was amused. It made his heart light. In a way he wished it could always be that way. But just like the sky, eventually, things had to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gave harry a nice fluffy smutty chapter because it's only fair. are you getting tired of all the space references yet? because they go on for the whole story i hate to tell ya. again my only beta is myself and google docs and i personally cringe reading over my work, so sorry for any mistakes! i try to speed read over it after i copy it over from docs, but i read really fast so it's easy to miss my own mistakes. you can always holla at me on my new twitter: strangerinmx. quarantine friends. all that jazz. ( and i need someone to rant to about how hard it is to write 3rd person bxb/gxg fic bc of the pronouns omfg).


End file.
